Wah! Pay Attention to Me!

Boy, Dubya must really hate all the excitement that Barack Obama has generated.  Barack is adored and generates a level of excitement that Dubya could only dream of.  Being the petulant, narcissist that he is, this really pisses Dubya off.  He desperately needs to be the most important guy in the room, and boy does he hate it when somebody is stealing the limelight.

Consider the following two exchanges, both of which happened while Dubya was traveling in Africa:

First, from CNN:

Jennifer Loven of the Associated Press asked Bush a question about his AIDS relief plan and then turned to Kikwete to note the excitement in Africa about Obama’s candidacy and asked the African leader to comment on “what you think it says about America that we might elect a black President with roots in Africa?”

Even though that part of the question was not directed at him, Bush weighed in first with mock exasperation that everyone seemed to be forgetting he was treated like a rock star on the trip. “It seemed like there was a lot of excitement for me, wait a minute,” the President said to laughter. “Maybe you missed it.”

Next, during a round table interview:

THE PRESIDENT: Okay, we’ll do a round robin here. Yes, Ann, you’re the senior person.

Q One of the things that we heard from people, I guess they do consider the United States a democracy, a role model — what if an American — African American were elected President? Did they talk to you –

THE PRESIDENT: That never came up.

Q It never came up?

MRS. BUSH: It never came up to us, at all. They said they were very fascinated with the election — one group that I talked to.

THE PRESIDENT: I’d just like to remind you what Kikwete said. He said, “I hope the next President is as good as this one.” Now, I’m not blowing my own horn — (laughter) — and I’m sure it was a screaming headline. (Laughter.)

Notice how Laura tried to dodge the question, but Dubya didn’t bother spending much time with that and just went straight to the “me me me” tantrum.

In the same interview, Dubya also went on to insist that no one in Africa is really talking about Obama and that the only reason someone there might mention his name is if they were directly asked a question about him:

THE PRESIDENT: No, but it never came up. It seemed like a good story line at the time — somebody must be putting something out there in the pool, and everybody starts chatting about it.

Q People would mention it to us.

THE PRESIDENT: If you asked them, yes. “What do you think about Obama?” Yes, they mentioned it to you all right; yes. (Laughter.)

Q I asked them — I went out on the street and two of the four people I asked about — you know, I’d say, Obama –

THE PRESIDENT: What?

Q McCain. They like — they volunteered, two of them –

THE PRESIDENT: Really?

MRS. BUSH: What country?

Q Dar es Salaam.

I really like the part where Laura jumps in at the end to try to catch the reporter in a “gotcha” moment.  “Oh yeah?  Well what imaginary African country has people that care about Barack?”  (BTW, according to Wikipedia, Dar es Salaam “is the largest city in Tanzania. With a population estimated around 2,500,000, it is also the country’s richest city and a regionally important economic centre.”)

Limited Options

One of the most interesting points anyone has made in this campaign was made by someone who asked this question in tonight’s Democratic debate:

“I’m 38 and I’ve never had an election where one of the choices hasn’t been either a Bush or a Clinton.  How is it change if those two families keep appearing on the ballot.” 

There hasn’t been an election without a Bush or a Clinton on the ballot since 1984.  Eighty fucking four.  Of the eight presidential elections that have occurred in my lifetime so far, the last five have had one of these two privileged families involved.  In fact, a Bush or a Clinton has won in each of these elections.  (Of course, in ’92 that was a given since it was Bush v. Clinton; one of them had to win.)

Don’t get me wrong: I voted for Bill Clinton, and I’m proud of it.  He was a terrific president.  But it’s a little hard to accept the notion that we’re a truly democratic nation when it seems that two rival, elite families have been running the country for over two decades.

Coffee Conspiracy: Part Two

If you recall, a few weeks ago I got a little agitated at Green Mountain Coffee for some possible shenanigans related to my recurring Café Express order.  Well, at the time, I was sure to note down the date of my next shipment, to ensure that I could log in before it shipped.  I didn’t really need to change anything urgently; rather, I just wanted to assure myself that they weren’t messing with me and changing the dates.

Well, when I last checked, it said my order would ship on 12/20.  So, I marked it on my Google Calendar and set a reminder.  I received my reminder email today (12/17), so I went and logged in to Green Mountain’s site.

Guess what?

No, my order has not shipped.  However, it reported my current order status as follows:

Note: Your current shipment is being prepared for delivery as of 12/10/2007.

So, my order hasn’t been shipped yet, but it’s been “being prepared” since last Monday.  Here’s the kicker: there’s no way to alter an order that’s “being prepared.”  I can only edit my next order, which is set to ship on 1/10.

Still think I’m crazy?

Cheap Glasses

A few months ago, I went to see a new eye doctor for the first time.  While I liked the doctor very much, the selection of frames in his office was fairly limited.  I went through a number of different frames trying to find something that fit well and looked nice.  I ended up settling for a pair that fit reasonably well, but the more I wore them, the more I realized that I didn’t like them very much.  Ok, they don’t fit that well, either.  I made a bad choice, what can I say?

I figured I was probably stuck for another two years, when my insurance will pay for another set of frames and lenses.  Then I discovered that you can get perfectly good (and stylish) glasses online for much less than you pay at the doctor’s office.  After reading this article on 43 folders, I took a chance and bought a pair of glasses from Zenni Optical for the ridiculously low price of $12.95 (plus shipping).  

I received my glasses this week, and I couldn’t be happier.  In fact, I’m thinking about ordering a pair of prescription sunglasses, something I had previously avoided because it seemed prohibitively expensive.

So, if you’re interested, I’d recommend you go read the article first, then go check out the selection on these sites:

• Zenni Optical (this is where I bought mine)
• Goggles 4 U
• 39DollarGlasses.com

Coffee Conspiracy

I drink a lot of coffee.  (That’s the understatement of the year, btw.)  I used to be a big Dunkin’ Donuts fan, until I switched to Green Mountain recently.  Because I drink so much coffee, it made sense for me to join the Green Mountain Café Express program, which is just a fancy way of saying I have a standing order with them to send me my coffee every few weeks so I don’t go into withdrawal and start hurting motherfuckers.

So, here’s the weird thing and the reason I’m posting: every now and then, I need to make a quick adjustment to my order.  Sometimes I want them to send more coffee, sometimes less, etc.  The tricky part is trying to remember when the next scheduled shipment is, and then remembering to log in to their site to change the order before it goes out.

Ok, so what’s the weird part?  Well, the last two or three times I’ve logged in to try to change my order, the Green Mountain site has informed me that my Café Express order just shipped!  Witness today’s message:

Note: Your last Café EXPRESS order shipped 11/29/07.

Now, this is crazy.  First of all, 11/29 is today.  It’s like 7:15am.  I don’t believe they really shipped it yet.  Furthermore, what kind of cosmic coincidence is it that whenever I am about to change my order, it ships!

(Hold on while I put my tinfoil hat on . . . )

So, my theory is that Green Mountain is afraid I’m going to cancel my Café Express order, so they tell me the most recent order has already shipped as a way of ensuring they can charge me for at least one more order.

I know, it sounds wacky, but this is at least the third time this has happened.

(Hmm, this tinfoil hat is comfy. Maybe I’ll leave it on for a while and head over here.)

Flying to Vegas: “She Needs Another Bag”

Is there such a concept as time-delay live blogging?  Does that mean it’s just plain-vanilla blogging?  Whatever you call it, here’s what’s going on.

My car to the airport arrived 45 minutes late this morning, which wasn’t what I’d call an auspicious start to this trip.  The car service had previously advised me that my pickup time was later than they would have recommended.  So much for that.  Despite the delay and my later-than-recommended  pick-up time, my driver managed to get me to the airport with time to spare; the result, no doubt, of some livery miracle that justifies the exorbitant rates the car service charges.

My flight left on time at 11:20am, which probably counts as the second transit miracle of the day.  Surely the travel gods are smiling.

As you know, I’m still on the Atkins diet.  Traveling on Atkins is never easy, so we’ll see how it goes.  The in-flight meal choices included a chicken salad that was mostly low-carb.  I had to avoid the mandarin orange slices and the pecans (can I eat those?) and the raspberry vinagarette (second ingredient: high fructose corn syrup), which made my salad into a faux-grilled chicken breast and some lettuce.  Blech.

The in-flight movie they are showing is called “The Waitress,” which appears to be a chick flick about a knocked up waitress who makes pies.  I saw precisely three people pay for headphones.  There ought to be a rule that says that if less than ten people pay to see the film, they should offer a different flick. 

It’s 1:12pm now (see, that’s the “live” part of the live blogging . . . except that I won’t be able to post this until later, which takes the “live” back out, I think), and I think we’re almost halfway to Vegas.  I got stuck with a middle seat, so I’m a bit cramped as I type this.  (Anything for you, loyal reader!) 

If I had planned ahead a bit, I should have loaded some sort of game on this laptop that I can play offline.  Of course, most of the games I play these days seem to only function when you’ve got internet connectivity.  Ah, I remember the good old days back in the late 90′s wen I could fire up StarCraft on my laptop while flying cross-country.  That was fun. 

(Ok, somebody needs to tell the nasty old guy in the seat in front of me to A) get that scabby thing on his head looked at, and B) to stop picking it.  Gross.)

In lieu of gaming, I brought some reading material with me.  I’m reading End of Faith by Sam Harris, which is essentially an indictment of religion as a detrimental influence on mankind.  When I got to a chapter titled “The Problem with Islam,” Harris sought to dispel the notion of Islam as a “religion of peace” by presenting various quotes from the Koran.  In an intentionally repetitive and lengthy series of excerpts, Harris demonstrates the inherent intolerance and hostility of the Islamic text.  I think it went on for three pages.  Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all of this is not because I’m trying to get you to hate on the Muslims, but because I realized at some point that I was sitting on an airplane reading several pages of caustic Islamic rhetoric that called for jihad.  I became very concerned that someone was going to look over my shoulder and decide that I was a terrorist.  I firmly believe that my traveling good fortune would come to an abrupt halt if that were to happen.  So, I put my book away.  There’s no live blogging from Gitmo, folks.

That’s all I have for now.  It’s about 1:30pm, so I think I’ve got some miles ahead of me.  I may check in again in a little while if I can’t find another way to entertain myself.

–

It’s 3pm, and we’ve got another 90 minutes before we land, according to our captain.  About 15 minutes ago, a woman across the aisle from me threw up into her barf bag.  Awesome. 

My salad wasn’t particularly filling.  I’m starving.

–

4:05pm.  The captain has advised us that “if you look out to your right, you should be able to see the Grand Canyon coming up.”  I’m on the left side, thank you very much. 

–

Just before landing, I heard a guy say “she needs another bag.”  Shortly after, the puker puked again.

JoseMonkey Loves Your Dog (But Hates You)

As you’ve no doubt heard, on August 6th, six miners became trapped underground in a horrible coal mining accident in Utah.  The search for these men has been on-going, and while it’s been a long time, many are unwilling to give up hope. I sincerely hope the miners are found alive, and I truly feel for the families.  But, if I’m being perfectly honest, I can’t say that I’ve devoted all that much time to thinking about this incident.  It may sound callous, but I don’t recall feeling any profound sadness about it, either; in general, I wish it had not happened, and I totally agree that it’s sad and awful, but I won’t pretend that it’s something that provoked strong emotions in me.  Perhaps it’s because I don’t know any miners.  Maybe my monkeysphere is just too small to allow me to care deeply about it. 

In any case, the bottom line is that I feel bad about the mining accident, but I’m not losing any sleep over it.  I suspect I’m not the only one who feels this way, though I bet most people aren’t comfortable admitting it.  It makes you sound like an uncaring asshole.

The reason I mention this is not to reinforce what an asshole JoseMonkey is, but to contrast it against another story that was recently in the news that did provoke strong emotions in me. 

Last week in West Virginia, a dalmatian named Alex got caught in a storm drain and was buried alive.  After two days of searching and two days of digging, the dog’s owner was finally able to free him.  When I saw this story, I nearly started bawling immediately.  Then I watched the video of the man pulling his dog from the hole, and I completely lost it. 

I’m not sure what is says about me that I was so thoroughly moved by the dog rescue, yet rather detached and insensate when it comes to the trapped miners.  Get this: I know the dog’s name, yet I can’t name any of the six men that are trapped in the mine. 

This isn’t the first time I’ve caught myself caring more about animals (generally) and dogs (specifically) more than people.  I can watch a film in which endless people are brutally killed without emotion, but if one effing on-screen dog gets hurt, I’m a mess.  I find WWII weaponry to be fascinating, but mention a dog mine, and I get really upset.  I won’t even watch the cartoon “All Dogs Go To Heaven” because, the way I figure it, I know where that’s heading and I’m not interested! 

Does all this make me a jerk?  Perhaps.  What can I say?  JoseMonkey’s just keepin’ it real. 

A Note About Midwifery

People are often surprised when Mrs. JoseMonkey and I explain that Baby V was not born in a hospital.  She was born at a birth center, with a midwife and a nurse attending.  There were no doctors present.  Other than the midwife and the RN (and Mrs. JoseMonkey, of course), I was the only other person in the room.  (Until Baby V arrived, making her the fifth person in the room.)  About six hours after she was born, all three of us went home to sleep in our own beds. 

Volumes have been written about the over-medicalization of pregnancy and birth in our society and the benefits of the midwifery model.  I don’t have time to go into detail right now, but I thought some of you might be interested in reading this article that I came across today.  In addition to extolling the virtues of a natural, non-hospital birth, this article talks about how the mindset of treating pregnancy and birth as an illness affects the costs and quality of our healthcare.

Oh Yeah? Well You’re Ugly!

As many of you know, I work out of my home office fairly regularly.  Because of this, I don’t see all of my co-workers face-to-face for days or some of them for weeks at a time.  Furthermore, I’ve just come off of a short leave of about three weeks following Baby V’s arrival.  Needless to say, it’s been a while since I’ve seen some of my work friends.

So today, I went in to the office for the first time in a while.  I was catching up with some of my co-workers when one of them, Vijay, decided I needed to be taken down a peg or two.

With a blunt candor normally reserved for children and retards (not to mention retarded children), Vijay observed that I clearly hadn’t had much time for exercise while I was out of the office. 

Damn.

To be fair, he’s right; I’m not the fattest I’ve ever been — I’d have to gain another 15 lbs. or so to hit that embarrassing number — but I’m probably a good 15-20 lbs. heavier than I was about 12-18 months ago.  I’d guess that about 5-10 lbs. of it was packed on in the last six months. Maybe it’s that so-called sympathy weight that expecting dads gain.  (Frankly, I don’t buy it.  It sounds like an excuse for fat guys who happen to have knocked up their wives.)

I guess it’s time to drop a few pounds.  Ugh.  Thanks, Vijay.

Hey FedEx Driver, Knock it Off

FedEx is on my shit list.  Specifically, the driver that delivers packages to my home.  Every single time that the FedEx person delivers something to my house, they litter on my property. 

You know those door tags that they stick to your door or window?  You know, the ones that never come off and leave you with a sticky mess to scrape off of the glass?  Well, in order to affix the tag, the driver needs to remove the paper backing from the adhesive portion.  Every fucking time the driver does this, they then throw the damn paper on the ground.  Can’t they take this thing back to the truck and throw it away?  WTF.

I just emailed FedEx Customer Service about it.  I’m not sure whether they’ll do anything, though.  If I catch that FedEx motherfucker doing it again, I’m going to lose my shit.