Archive for March, 2008

Give Up Already!

The two competitors had been at it for a long time.  The guy I was backing was obviously going to win; he’d opened up a sizable lead early in the contest.  His opponent kept at it, though, even though any objective analysis clearly indicated that no recovery was possible.  There would be no comeback.  His lead was insurmountable.

The presumptive winner began to get frustrated, silently wishing that the other person would just bow out.  I couldn’t help but share his frustration.  “Oh, come on!  Give up already!”  I shouted at the television.  But the loser wasn’t listening.  Even though the result was obvious, this chump didn’t see the writing on the wall. 

What’s that you say?  Oh, you thought I was talking about the Democratic primary?  Well, actually, I’m talking about watching my brother-in-law Matt kick people’s asses at Guitar Hero last night.  They never seem to know when to just throw in the towel.  So he has to play all of “Through Fire and Flames” every single time, even after it’s clear to everyone that it’s a total effing beating.

Oh, and Hillary should quit already.

(Matt: Yes, you are Barack Obama in this analogy.  Your mom would be so proud!) 

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My Basement Helpers

Everyone always remarks that I manage to get a lot of work done on my basement project in a relatively short period of time.  It’s no secret that I’ve had a lot of help.  What you probably don’t realize, of course, is that my helpers are a little . . . well, different.  And by different I mean exactly the same.

(Click to embiggen.)

That’s right.  I’ve cloned myself.  So now you know the secret behind my productivity.  The cats are out of the bag.  (Those are some good lookin’ cats, huh?)

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Scoreboard, Baby.

When I was growing up, I played football.  Our team had some great seasons, often making it to the playoffs.  Inevitably, there would be times when our team would open up a big lead in a game, much to our opponents’ frustration.  It seems like there was always at least one guy on the other team who, once it became clear that we would win, would resort to taunting and fighting with our team.

Our coaches always encouraged us to take the high road; “Ignore them,” he’d say.  He didn’t want our team to be involved in the kind of unsportsmanlike conduct that could diminish our victory.  “If you have to do something,” he told us, “just point over there.”  As he did this, he pointed to the stadium’s scoreboard.  “Point over there and say, ‘Scoreboard, baby.'”

The “scoreboard” line was great for a number of reasons.  Not only did it provide our team a way to respond without sinking to our opponents’ level, it really pissed them off because there’s no arguing with it.  The scoreboard doesn’t lie.  Needless to say, the simple retort was a team favorite.

Last night, Hillary Clinton won both the Ohio and Texas primaries.  This modest success can be attributed, at least in part, to the reprehensible way that she’s run her campaign in the past week or so.  Negative attacks, fear mongering, and the art of “working the refs” seem to be the key plays in her playbook lately.  The delegate counts are still being tallied, but it looks as if Hillary will emerge with a slim lead on the night.

Here’s the thing.  Obama started the night with a 159 pledged delegate lead.  The best Hillary can hope for is to shave about one to three delegates off of that.  In fact, Hillary would need to win all of the remaining contests by substantial (read: unrealistic) margins to close Obama’s lead.

This one’s over, but she just hasn’t figured it out yet.

Scoreboard, baby.

(Cross-posted at

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